ABUSED

This is a True Life story but the name of the individual has been changed to protect her privacy. Read and be Inspired.

My name is Angela*. I was born in Anambra State, Eastern Nigeria in the populous city of Onitsha in an environment that speaks of nothing but hatred and strife. We are 7 in our family.

All my childhood days I've known what it means to be hated and despised. My Mum, most ladies can speak of their mum in glowing terms but my mum... A mother is supposed to be a mentor and a protector to her kids. God gave parents children to care for and protect in His stead but my mum did the contrary. Instead of loving and positive words, I grew up with the abusive and mockery words of my mum still sounding in my ears. It was so confusing but I later got to understand why. 

By the age of nine, my older brother introduced me into the world of sex. He sexually abused me. It was terrible. A place that was supposed to be my safe haven turned into a nightmare. Of course I told my mum about it but she started using it against me, telling me that I have the prostitute spirit in me and many other things. I pressed on with a battered identity, with pains in my heart, searching for something. Will I call it acceptance or love?... Something I definitely will identify with when I find it.

Life went on supposedly normal until I turned 16. It seemed the devil was just waiting for me at the junction to destroy me. I entered into another trap – Masturbation. My elder sister started bringing in pornographic materials to the house and of course you can’t keep it out of sight from a young growing teen. The Mills and Boon’s, the Lolly’s, the better lovers, the Hints and Hearts. All manner of materials and did it affect my mind? You bet!

And as if the guilt of the new terrible habit was not enough, I started having problems with my academics just about the period of my SSCE. As much as I tried to understand what I was reading, I could not bring a thing out of it. I had problem concentrating. This development worried me so much that I lost my peace completely. I couldn’t understand what was happening to me. But later I got to know that it was due to the release of the cerebrospinal fluids that get dried up from the part of the brain responsible for intelligence. No thanks to masturbation, I was already paying the price for the mess.

Still searching for the fulfillment I do not know how to find, I got myself involved in a series of relationships I knew I was not supposed to get entangled with in the first place. Most of the times, I would feel so degraded and so messed up that I would wonder when all this will end. In those relationships, I normally find myself kissing, caressing... Should I continue with this story? Do you really wanna know? It is really interesting? It’s heart breaking but it’s my story. Though I never got into sex with them I never forgot my experience when I was nine.

The guilt grew, the search for who I really am, the desire to please the God who I really don’t know. When I was about giving up I entered the university. How I passed those exams, I never knew but it was as if there was somebody there watching out for me. In school, I had an experience everybody in the whole world should have.

I met my first true friend. Every time I remember Him, there is always a smile on my face. He touched me how no one had ever, where no one had ever and the depth no one had ever touched me. Can anyone give me the description of a perfect gentleman? So beautiful, always gentle and willing to wait forever for me to turn from my mistakes. Ever so loving, ever so kind, so rich, so meek... He wooed me to give my life to Christ. You cannot imagine how glad I was that I did. You cannot think of the peace, of the fulfillment, of the joy, you cannot imagine it. That’s why I wish everybody should get that experience. My friend is the Holy Spirit. He removed all my condemnation. Can anyone be this peaceful in this type of corrupt world? I could not and will never let Him go. In Him I find the identity I was longing for; the love, the acceptance. It was a love relationship. He filled the deepest parts of my being where no one can dare to fill. He smiled down at me when I make mistakes and without a word of condemnation say, “child, it’s not that way, yes, honey take it this way”. He told me He is the secret to all happy marriages, businesses, ministries, etc, if only people will faithfully follow Him. I was willing to loose my life to keep this love...hmmm, it’s so sweet just thinking about Him. My past became dim as He showed me a bright future that I long to go through with Him.

God is real. Much more real than the person sitting or standing next to you. He is a person and He loves you so much. He longs to help you and show you the way. In case you have passed through a similar experience like this, in case you have been victimized, abused, treated in such spiteful ways by your parents, relations or even neighbours, I'll like to let you know that all hope is not lost. God loves you and He has a bright future for you. If only you will turn to Him, If only you will give Him a chance to show you that love, pure love, unearthly love, divine love, your life will never remain the same again.

After I met Him my life changed dramatically. I got over my low self esteem and became more confident. Everybody became amazed at the changes that has happened to me. I became involved in the leadership of some organizations and even give out seminars on how to improve on your self esteem. My self confidence have grown so much that I now look at the future with great assurance and faith all because of Him. He also helped me to forgive my brother for what he did to me. I now love my mum dearly. This can also be your story. It was Paula White’s story, it was Joyce Meyer’s story. Just ask Him into your life. It is that easy. God bless you.